Dispatches from the front lines of trauma healing.
I’ve been writing about trauma healing, PTSD, CPTSD, and wellbeing for almost 15 years, exploring what it means to be a high-performer making impact in the world — without sacrificing health or happiness.
Presence, Not Perfection
Trying for perfection distorts our ability to connect with others. We focus on a rigid and unattainable ideal instead of allowing ourselves to be seen in all our messiness and vulnerability. Often, this comes from a deep fear of rejection or abandonment.
When Guilt is Good
Those of us with complex trauma or developmental trauma from childhood may have crafted beliefs about ourselves, relationships, and the world from these experiences. We may have learned some version of, "I don't matter," "My needs don't matter," or "No one cares what I think."
Why to Plan for Aggression (in Trauma Healing)
When we’re healing from shutdown, we naturally move through momentary aggression on our way to feeling safe with others again. That’s because activation from the original stress response (that caused the shutdown) is still locked in the body. The stress response needs to release and complete before we return to our natural state of wellbeing.
Escaping Hypervigilance
Hypervigilance is a state of high alertness that never stops. People who experience hypervigilance can't relax or let their guard down. We don't feel safe because we believe that at any moment, something bad is about to happen.
Why Stress Keeps Looping (and What to Do About It)
If you don’t know how to complete the cycle, the stress is going to build and build, until you’ve reached your threshold and collapse with overwhelm. As a leader, unless you know how to complete a stress cycle, you are eventually going to burn out.
The Prison of Optimism
I know that some people make incredible meaning out of their trauma and life's challenges. Some people don’t. No matter what, telling someone in the midst of their process that they should be more positive does not help their trauma.