What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Have you ever noticed that there are different parts of you, who want different things? For example, one part of you may be eager to explore trauma healing while another part of you is determined to preserve the relative safety of the status quo.
Far from being something to worry about, having these different voices, or “parts,” inside is natural. In fact, it’s an observable phenomenon of the psyche across cultures and time.
Awareness of our parts, with their different needs and objectives, gives us access to the inner world in a way that promotes harmony and self-leadership.
Rather than going to war with different parts of ourselves (fighting the voice of the Inner Critic, for example, or the part who wants to eat ice cream in the middle of the night), we get to know — and appreciate — our parts and find novel ways to meet their needs.
When we do that, we give them a chance to heal and reveal their innate gifts and talents. Qualities we’ve mourned the loss of, like joy, playfulness, and wonder return to our lives to become a welcomed part of our inner system.
Our Parts Are Not What They Seem
When we stop the war within and get to know these parts of ourselves, we often learn that their extreme actions and beliefs come from earlier times when that strategy was needed.
Because of past experiences, these parts of us have been forced out of their naturally valuable states of goodness and into destructive roles that they don’t like — but that they believe are necessary to keep us safe.
Despite their suffering, they faithfully self-sacrifice for the good of our larger system. They are often aware of the price they pay to do this, but see not other choice. Until we introduce them to our self-leadership and with care and connection, show them there are other ways to get the same — or better — outcome.
Parts Carry Burdens from the Past
One of the transformational tenets of this approach to trauma healing is that many of our most extreme or intense parts are the way they are because they’re carrying frozen emotions, beliefs, or patterns from the past.
It is often the most innocent, sensitive, and vulnerable parts of us who are injured the most by attachment wounding, sexual abuse, and relational trauma. These sensitive inner parts take on beliefs about themselves and the world, as a result of their experiences.
Beliefs like, “I am unlovable,” or “Life will always be like this,” are often the voices of wounded inner parts, who secretly long for healing.
Physical and emotional symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, and the hypervigilance, flashbacks, suicidality, and shutdown that come with PTSD and CPTSD are all signs that parts of us are demanding our care and attention.
They want to heal, and they’ll do anything to get our attention.
Parts are Often Frozen in Time & Think We’re Still in Danger
The roles that these extreme parts took on were perhaps necessary, when we were younger. Back then, we likely had no alternative but to self-criticize, dissociate, overwork, self-harm, binge, or any number of other tactics.
When we learn more about these parts, we often find that they are loyally committed to their roles, even though as adults, we no longer need their strategies.
But going in in and trying to take their jobs away, or convincing them they’re outdated and wrong, will will only force them into more extreme positions of embattled and entrenched polarization.
Instead, we meet these inner parts with curiousity, acceptance, and self-compassion. We create caring and attentive relationships, connecting with them from a place of self-leadership.
This is the pathway to helping these parts heal. And when they do, they bring their gifts to the system and help to create an emotionally safe, peaceful, and collaborative inner world.
Internal Family Systems therapy is especially effective for PTSD, CPTSD, developmental trauma, anxiety, panic attacks, disordered eating, OCD, and other symptoms of trauma and distress.
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