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TRAUMA & RELATIONSHIPS

The Strongest Nervous System Wins

As the world around us becomes more and more uncertain — geopolitically, environmentally, economically, technologically, the list goes on — we need to learn how to manage our nervous systems if we want to lead.
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This simple practice is a foundational skill for navigating intense emotions. Once you learn it, you’ll be able to shift out of intrusive feelings into a sense of grounded calm.

Popular POSTS

  • The Fallacy of Catharsis

    When we explore healing modalities that support, rather than overwhelm, our nervous systems, we teach ourselves that we're worthy of safety and care.

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  • Foundational Trauma Skills for the Body (Part 1)

    Trauma affects function – physically, cognitively, and emotionally — no matter how much try. So how do we get out of the trauma response?

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  • Foundational Trauma Skills for the Body (Part 2)

    Now we know that trauma is the brain and body's natural response to overwhelming situations. It's natural, and it is possible to heal.

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  • Numbness Means You Don't Feel Safe

    Our nervous systems have experienced such a prolonged period of activation, without being able to escape, that we just shut down.

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  • What Most People Get Wrong about Boundaries

    Boundaries are for us. Shifting the responsibility for our boundaries onto other people keeps us from effectively using boundaries for our wellbeing.

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  • Escaping the Trap of Performativity

    When we abandon our authentic self-expression and instead act how we think we're “supposed” to, in relationships and intimacy, we create a mask that I call “performativity.”

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  • The Two Types of Trauma (and Why to Know the Difference)

    PTSD and CPTSD are fundamentally different types of trauma that require different kinds of support to heal.

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Trauma Healing Improves Relationships

Avoidant & anxious relationship styles are common signs that we have attachment wounding or relational trauma. Don’t let the past keep you from finding & enjoying a thriving relationship. Trauma healing will help you step into the safe, secure, & loving partnership you desire.

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Recent POSTS

RECENT IN PTSD & CPTSD

Featured
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation
10 Common Roadblocks to Healing Trauma (PTSD/CPTSD)
10 Common Roadblocks to Healing Trauma (PTSD/CPTSD)
What is Complex Trauma (CPTSD)?
What is Complex Trauma (CPTSD)?
What We Get Wrong About Numbness
What We Get Wrong About Numbness
The Intelligence of Flight
The Intelligence of Flight
How to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
How to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)

RECENT IN ANXIETY

Featured
Presence, Not Perfection
Presence, Not Perfection

Trying for perfection distorts our ability to connect with others. We focus on a rigid and unattainable ideal instead of allowing ourselves to be seen in all our messiness and vulnerability. Often, this comes from a deep fear of rejection or abandonment.

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When Guilt is Good
When Guilt is Good

Those of us with complex trauma or developmental trauma from childhood may have crafted beliefs about ourselves, relationships, and the world from these experiences. We may have learned some version of, "I don't matter," "My needs don't matter," or "No one cares what I think."

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RECENT IN INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS

Featured
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation

Despite the inner work we've done, parts of us still surface in despair, dejected precisely because they continue to be met with our disdain and indifference.

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Revenge of the Inner Child
Revenge of the Inner Child

Younger parts of us carry wounds from the past, until we work with them to heal. When traumatic events happen, early in life, the most innocent and creative parts of us are the most wounded.

Read More →
Featured
Safety Strategies (that Always Fail) in Relationships
Safety Strategies (that Always Fail) in Relationships
Warning Signs of Antagonistic and Entitled (aka "Narcissistic") Relationships
Warning Signs of Antagonistic and Entitled (aka "Narcissistic") Relationships
The Strongest Nervous System Wins
The Strongest Nervous System Wins
Why Sexual Trauma Shows Up in Healthy Relationships
Why Sexual Trauma Shows Up in Healthy Relationships

RECENT IN BRAINSPOTTING

Featured
What Dissociation is Trying to Tell Us (about PTSD & CPTSD)
What Dissociation is Trying to Tell Us (about PTSD & CPTSD)
Why We Don't Need to Talk about Trauma
Why We Don't Need to Talk about Trauma
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