10 Common Roadblocks to Healing Trauma (PTSD/CPTSD)

Trauma is a monster under the bed, more terrifying to consider than confront. Too often, shame and stigma keep us silent and stuck in the most common roadblocks to healing.

For a long time, I let my own trauma hide in the dark, convinced that if I came too close, its power would overwhelm me. I feared getting so lost in the pain that I would never find my way back to a life worth living.

I mistrusted the specialists who advised me that I needed to "reframe" my trauma or "think about it differently." (I’m looking at you, CBT.) I would work with them, valiantly hoping talk therapy would change things. But aside from a few lightening moments of clarity and self-understanding, it didn't heal my trauma.

I know now that talk therapy isn’t meant to heal trauma. It’s great for skills building and shifting communication dynamics. But talking about trauma, without a body-focused approach, only makes it worse.

Trauma healing requires a new way of being in and with the body. To do this, we need to rebuild our nervous systems, away from harshness and towards a lighter and more intimate way of being with ourselves.

When we heal trauma, we learn to protect that within us which always needed protecting. We learn to self-dignify what others have denigrated or even tried to destroy. We learn to meet ourselves with kindness and compassion, for no other reason than because we must give ourselves what others weren't willing or able to give us.

But we can't heal what we won't feel. And we can't feel what we won't see.

That's why I want to explore the ten most common roadblocks to healing trauma. We need to see what's in the way, between us and the life we long for, before we can take our next steps towards healing.

Often, these roadblocks arise because we believe we can't handle what happened in the past — the awareness, the anger, the loneliness, the regret, the shame. Our nervous systems don’t realize, and need to be reminded, that we have more resources and support available now. And if we don't yet have that, we can take steps to create it.

We also need to get used to the idea that, although what happened in the past was horrible and overwhelming, we don't have to re-experience that horror or overwhelm to heal. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. 

The good news is trauma can always heal.

Bringing these roadblocks to healing into our awareness, by reading an article like this, can gently begin to remove them. The journey doesn't have to be hard. In fact, the best trauma healing is gentle, restorative, and even pleasurable.

Please go slowly, reading this. It can be activating, to see our usual defenses so clearly outlined. Take breaks. Reach out to people in your support network. Or reach out to me, if you'd like to explore what trauma healing could look like for you.

Please know that by reading this (and sharing it, if you feel inspired to), you are shifting the weight of silence, shame, and stigma to make the world a safer place to share, soften, and heal.

10 Common Roadblocks to Healing Trauma (PTSD/CPTSD)

1. Minimizing

"It wasn't that bad. It didn't really affect me."

The number one roadblock to trauma healing is our ability to minimize the impact it's had on our life choices, goals, and relationships. If the trauma happened in childhood, it's likely that our caregivers didn't respond appropriately or give us the attention we needed to heal. They might have minimized the situation, not understanding the lifelong impact of childhood trauma, or because of their own unfinished business and sense of shame.

However we came by it, we learn to minimize our traumas to cope with them. We hope to make the wound smaller by thinking it is so, bypassing the pain with self-abandonment. Minimizing often requires that we not feel the ache of despair or the black hole of shame. We might fear that, if we let the truth of what happened into our awareness, the enormity will overshadow us and consume everything.

It's not true, but the more we minimize, the more we feed the cycle of self-abandonment that pushes our wounds further and further below the surface. Trauma symptoms like flashbacks, hypervigilance, insomnia, chronic pain, and anxiety can be the body's way of demanding we finally pay attention.

2. Dismissing

"That was a long time ago. Anyway, how are you?"

The drive-by is another common way we steer clear of the territory of trauma. We know something happened, but we brush it off because we don't know how to navigate the turbulence.

Dismissing looks like acknowledging but being unwilling to stay focused on the trauma, or its impact, long enough to feel our need to heal. We self-abandon, shushing our bodies’ cries for help and healing.

Dismissing deflects attention from our inner pain. We might change the subject, when well-meaning people offer solace or support. We brush away the very things we need to heal, because we don't trust ourselves enough to embark on the journey. 

3. Denial

"Nothing really happened."

We often push traumatic events out of our minds, because they feel too painful to acknowledge.

When we’re in denial about trauma, we have often given up hope that anyone can help us, so we shut down. We don't want to talk about it, think about it, or be reminded of it ever again. We push it out of conscious awareness, hoping that with time, it will go away. (It doesn’t.)

The thing about denial is that, although the mind can push it away, the body knows what happened. And because the body wants to heal, eventually the trauma will come up, one way or another. When we've been deceiving ourselves with denial, unwilling to face reality and build on more solid ground, the journey becomes more difficult than it needs to be.

4. Postponing

"Now is not the right time."

Once our experience of trauma comes into awareness, we often feel overwhelmed by shame, anger, and a flood of other unwanted feelings. Rather than staying present with our feelings, we defer our healing to an unspecified time in the future.

It's easier to focus on the external than to go inside to heal. We have lives to take care of, bills to pay, deadlines to meet. We tell ourselves that everything will become easier at some point, and we’ll do it then.

What we don't consider is the cost of unresolved trauma — the deep regret that comes when life's opportunities pass us by or the cumulative weight of decades that sit heavy on our shoulders. We suspect there is more to life – and we’re right. But if there's no obvious path towards healing, it’s easier to postpone setting off on the journey.

5. Numbing 

"I don't want to feel this."

Avoiding pain is natural. When we experience too much of it, the body’s survival response kicks in and we naturally shut down. When we’re numb, we feel less of everything. But numbness doesn't mean there's nothing there to feel. On the contrary, the numbness acts as a protective barrier around the pain to keep us from getting close enough to feel it. 

We can also create numbness through the habitual use of substances or behaviors that distract or dull our senses. We do these things because we don't want to feel the discomfort of unresolved trauma, nagging at our nervous systems and begging us to heal. We prefer to dissociate into our screens, scrolling social media, or using any number of substances in a short-term attempt to self-soothe.

The hard thing about numbness is that, after a while, we can't access any of life's goodness. It takes the color out of everything. It becomes too big a price to pay for the semblance of solace.

6. High-Sensation Seeking

"Let's live in the moment.” 

Many of us gravitate towards the thrill of high-intensity experiences, as a strategy to feel something – anything — amid the numbness of a trauma response. We might engage in risky behavior, enjoying the rush of adrenaline and uncertainty. Over time, our bodies desensitize and we often seek out more and more, further taxing our burdened nervous systems in the process.

Just like with numbing behaviors, high sensation seeking can become a habit. Compared to the high intensity of risk, the rest of life can appear boring and grey. Healing feels slow and unrewarding compared to the stomach lurch of adventure. But our nervous systems can’t sustain being always on overdrive and eventually, our bodies give us a wake-up call to heal.

7. Performativity

"There's nothing wrong with me."

When trauma survivors don't feel safe with our partners — or don't know what relational safety looks like — performativity is a common and completely understandable way to navigate intimacy (and sexual intimacy, in particular). We copy what self-expression is supposed to look like from our culture and hope that the people close to us don't notice.

Social and emotional performativity rob us of intimacy. When we mask our natural selves, we forfeit the joy and pleasure of authentic self-expression. We don’t accustom ourselves to the vulnerability that is a precondition for intimate connection.

8. Urgency

"I don't have time to slow down."

Urgency is often a threat response — a chronic flight stress response. It’s a telltale sign we don't feel comfortable in silence or slowness because of what might bubble up, inside. Urgency is often accompanied by a tendency to push and override our own boundaries or those of others.

The sad thing is, we might not even notice, because we're moving so quickly. We prefer the thrill of rushing to the unsettling feelings that arise when we slow down.

While we can justify urgency by pointing to life circumstances, underneath the flurry of activity often lies a deep fear of relaxation. When we slow down, we have space to listen and feel. And we might not like that, because what we feel is the ache of our unhealed trauma, hoping for our care and attention.

 9. Chronic Stress

"Life's demands are more important than the past."

Running the treadmill of constant nervous system activation keeps our bodies in a state of high alert. Because we're always "on," we never slow down enough to feel the depths of pain from unresolved trauma. It's easy to rationalize this by pointing to external factors in the world that are out of our direct control.

And while life presents its share of challenges, pausing to take time to heal makes everything easier.

Trauma weighs down the body, mind, heart, and soul. We can struggle with it for decades without it ever going away. But when our nervous systems heal, we shift towards more flexibility and resilience. When we no longer carry the weight of the past, we finally have space to access our embodied intelligence and respond to stressful situations with greater self-confidence and creativity.

10. Overwork

"I'm too busy to focus on the past."

Distracting ourselves with overwork is a culturally rewarded way to keep ourselves from healing. We put external goals above our inner wellbeing and look for professional accolades to fill the hungry emptiness inside. But it's never enough, because the moment we sit still, the loneliness comes up again and the wounding once more demands our attention.

Overwork is one of the most successful strategies to block trauma healing because we're convinced that we can't stop. We tell ourselves that what we're doing is too important and we simply don't have the time to care for ourselves. Decades can go by, focused on the wrong things, as we miss out on connection, play, and deeper purpose that only becomes available when we make time and space to heal.

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If we let these common roadblocks slow our path towards trauma healing, we miss out on fully living the lives we've worked so hard to build. We go through experiences without enjoying them. And we run the risk of regretting the lost time, wasted opportunities, and missed relationships.

However we choose to heal, we must embark on the next steps of our journeys.

At any age and no matter what happened in the past, trauma can reliably and rapidly heal. In the process, we call back our voices and our power. We stand in our needs and our boundaries. We grow confidence and unshakable self-esteem. And we show up fully for our all relationships, especially the ones that matter most. And our lives are all the richer.

I want that for us all.

With blessings for your journey.

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